Friday, April 20, 2012

They misunderestimated me: George W. Bush and I have the same IQ




So after taking a peek at an article today on celebrity IQs, (I had to confirm that I'm smarter than OJ Simpson) I discovered that George W. Bush and I share an IQ of 125. AMAZING. While G Dubbya and I do not share the same political views, I always thought he'd be a hoot to go share a few beers with, maybe play a game of darts or two, devise ways to balance the budget on a cocktail napkin, etc. Here is a listing of the top 10 Bushisms:

http://politicalhumor.about.com/cs/georgewbush/a/top10bushisms.htm

We fall a few brainy points above JFK and Britney Spears (also smarter than OJ Simpson) but well below Reggie Jackson and Shakira. This basically means folks, that I totally have the smarts to run for President OR be a gyrating pop-singer. The world is my oyster. Who knows what's next, Kim Kardashian for mayor?

Monday, April 9, 2012

Palm Sunday Eggcellence

While many other Christians were enjoying their ham with a side of Cadbury Creme Eggs yesterday, as a Russian Orthodox Christian I still have one more week of fasting and church to go before celebrating on April 15. In case you were wondering why the Orthodox celebrate Easter on a different date, we can thank the Julian calendar which dictates that Easter must occur after the Vernal Equinox, after Passover, with the first full moon in Spring, and on a Sunday after March 21. The Gregorian calendar followed by all other Christians basically uses the same determing factors except for Passover (even though, the Last Supper which Jesus celebrated with his apostles the day before His crucifixation was a seder, so I personally think that the date of Passover is an important determinant).

Ok, stop yawning, I'm done with the history lesson! In the spirit of Easter season though, my brother and sister-in-law came down to Virginia to make traditional Ukranian pysanky eggs which are Easter eggs decorated with melted beeswax. The technique is as follows: You dip a stylus in wax, melt wax in a candle flame, write your first design on the egg, dye the egg a light color, wait for the egg to dry, write your second design on the egg, dye the egg a darker color, wait for the egg to dry, repeat until you have the desired design and colors. You then remove the wax by holding the egg near the candle's flame and wiping it off with a soft cloth.            

If you have a steady hand, patience flowing through your veins, and an egg dye kit that isn't a PAS one from CVS, you could potentially make eggs that look something like this:



I have none of these. Here is my paisley chicken.


I hope everyone had a joyful Passover, Easter, Spring Equinox, Palm Sunday, Bubba Watson winning weekend!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Haters Gonna Hate




Did anyone else stumble upon an article or two yesterday about Samantha Brick, a British journalist who recently authored an essay discussing the hardships of being of being really, really, ridiculously good-looking?

If you haven't, below is an excerpt:

"Throughout my adult life, I’ve regularly had bottles of bubbly or wine sent to my restaurant table by men I don’t know. Once, a well-dressed chap bought my train ticket when I was standing behind him in the queue, while there was another occasion when a charming gentleman paid my fare as I stepped out of a cab in Paris."

"Another time, as I was walking through London’s Portobello Road market, I was tapped on the shoulder and presented with a beautiful bunch of flowers. Even bar tenders frequently shoo my credit card away when I try to settle my bill."

"It’s hard when everyone resents you for your looks. Men think 'what’s the point, she’s out of my league' and don’t ask you out. And women don’t want to hang out with someone more attractive than they are."

You might now be thinking to yourself, ‘Sheesh, what kind of goddess is she? Long, flowing, locks, angelic features, a body to die for?’ Or maybe……………


Well, haters gonna hate, y'all! Some of the comments attached to the articles I read were downright cruel from calling her article a belated April Fool's Day joke to 'We need to remember that British hot is American not-on-meth' (ok, that was pretty funny). Some people even seemed personally offended at her perception of herself, as though her thinking she is beautiful made them in some way less beautiful.

But what actually persuaded me to write about Ms. Brick today is that even though I do think she borders on grandiose and is perfectly average-looking, I slightly admire her confidence in herself. Even with all the naysayers, she thinks she's hot shit.  Actually, not even just hot shit--the hottest of shits EVER!

On days when you're feeling low because money's tight, pants are tight, wouldn't it be nice to have such self-assurance to remind you that you're still a total treat?

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Making Obama Proud by Running an 8 Minute Mile


MY GOD, I LOVE THIS PICTURE AND WANT TO BE BEST FRIENDS WITH THIS LITTLE KID.  Anyways, I recently read an article about a 35-year-old man who thought it might be fun to retake the SATs to see how he faired as an adult. Doesn't sound like my idea of a fun Saturday afternoon, but to each his own.

In the same spirit of drudging up old painful memories while I was huffing and puffing away at the gym today, I thought, 'Hey, Michelle! I wonder how you'd do now on the Presidential Fitness Test!'

Ah, the almighty Presidential Fitness Test--never failing to remind me just how slow and weak I really was in grade school. One area where I was a total champion though was the sit-and-reach test which was meant to gauge flexibility. Did you know that being awesome at the sit-and-reach test predicts success later in life?*

I've made sincere progress in my fitness since then. I can now run a mile (or two or three!) without dying and have developed both lower and upper body strength so to appease my curiosity, I plan on retaking the President's Fitness Challenge. I'll share my results in a subsequent post and even if it's not the confidence boost that I hope it is, at least I won't be wearing ugly gym shorts this time around and that's a good start.







*oops, not a real fact, but it should be, right?